You wanna know what’s bad about Finland?

Hmm..where should I start? There really are lots of bad sides in Finland. I’m not saying there aren’t any good sides, but I prefer telling you about the bad ones, because I think I’m just really good at nagging about stuff. 🙂

Maybe I’ll start by telling you about the people in Finland. I’m sure you’ve heard some stereotypes about Finnish people. Well, a big part of them are true. You see, we Finns all have our own little (or big, HUGE) territories, which you’re not allowed to cross or walk on to. We think it’s kind of disgusting when someone’s talking to you and you can smell the person’s bad breath and he/she spits on you while talking. You know, that’s kind of groce, right? Also, never approach a Finn you don’t know with your arms wide open. No no. They’ll probably just get you a restraining order and think you’re some kind of a lunatic. Or pervert. I also feel it’s almost a responsibility for me to tell you how to walk on the streets of Finland. The rules are pretty simple: whatever you do, don’t look anyone in the eye. Just stare at the ground while walking. DON’T SMILE to anybody, or they’ll call the police and tell them that there’s an outpatient running free! When you’re using public transport, for example a bus, do not sit next to anyone! Unless the bus is totally full. And if you have to sit next to someone, AVOID physical contact. Here in Finland, we don’t talk to strangers, unless we’re about to die or something as extreme as dying. Only old people do that. That’s their job. And it’s your job to get totally furious if someone you don’t know tries to bother your sacred solitude. Got it?

Now I’ll move on to the climate of Finland! I have to wipe sweat of my forehead just thinking about it. The winter. Yeah yeah it’s pretty in Lapland and it’s just great to go snowboarding and stuff, but it just doesn’t fix the coldness in your bones! I wake up and it’s completely dark outside, even your natural instinct tells you it’s not morning yet. But it is! How great. When you’re dragging yourself to school you’re going to have to wait for a bus at least for half an hour (because they’re always too early or very very late) in -20 celcius degrees!!! All of that just so you can work  your butt of at school. Oh, and then when you finally get out of there, the sun is setting! How great! After the winter the sun starts to show itself every once in a while. The snow melts and there’s slush and dog poop everywhere. Remember, the Finnish spring weather is very twisted. You think it’s really warm and you can go out in a t-shirt, but the next day you’re going to have a fever and a flu, so just stick to the quilted jacket. When the summer finally arrives, you can’t sleep! It’s too bright outside! The sun only sets for a couple of hours, and your sleeping rhythm will be totally messed up. Summer is the time when Finnish people get alcoholic. There are wasted people everywhere! How cool! Sometimes it rains the WHOLE summer. Just try to figure out something to do those days. Boring. Major boredom. In the summer there’s also lots of national holidays or some, Vappu is originally a celebration for the working people in Finland. Guess how it’s celebrated? Yes, getting drunk as monkey. About a month after that the students of Helsinki graduate from junior high school -> everyone goes to Hietsu (a popular beach in Helsinki) to get drunk! There are so many people in Hietsu that day, that there’s no use for cellphone! There’s no service! 🙂 Then, the most traditional drinking party ever. JUHANNUS. Juhannus is in the middle of the Finnish summer, so many people drown because of the warm waters and stupid ideas of going swimming when you’re too drunk to walk. And then, at the end of the summer, you just have to get drunk just because the school starts and it’s so depressing. All in all, during the entire summer, half of the Finnish people go to their summer cottages just so they can get stinged by mosquitoes and bitten by vipers. So it might be that you have drink all by yourself while everyone else is spending the whole summer in some stupid shacks behind God’s back. Finally the most depressing season of the year, autumn. It sucks. It’s cold, it’s wet, it rains every single day, the school has just started and there’s absolutely nothing to do. You know the Finnish people are the most depressed nation in the world?

This is a picture from my birthday. As you see, there's A LOT of people (that's only 1/3). This is how we party. 🙂

So, please come and visit Finland, maybe you’ll learn something from our pessimistic and cynical attitudes! 🙂 And by the way, I could come up with millions of other reasons to hate Finland, but I want you to figure them out by yourselves. 🙂